help!

Birthdays aren't easy. They haven't been easy since my dad and I blew out birthday candles for the last time a few years ago. I thought they'd get easier over time, but that hasn't been the case. The birthday song has been basically ruined for my birthday. Not for anyone else.... just me. It is an odd pavlovian response left behind after he passed.

Today I made it through the birthday song without a hitch. Not even a tear. Then the gifts happened. It seemed fine- funny cards and such. But I opened my mom's gift last. It was a gift card to one of my favorite stores (Banana Republic- what-what!!!!), followed by a small gift bag.

When I opened it up I was instantly confused. Ties? Why would she give me ties? Then I examined them closer. It was a set of four ties from my dad's collection. They were his Beatles ties. He had several from a collection of artists' renditions. When I was able to piece together the gift I'd received I made cry face. Claire Danes does a great job with cry face so I'll use her:

I cried. In front of my family, best friend, and soon-to-be family. But it was unstoppable. I couldn't help it. I miss my dad so much. While these ties should make me happy I am instantly crushed because they are ultimately useless. He already wore them. He'll never wear them again. That thought is too much to bear when I am going though as many awesome experiences. I miss him terribly.

I wiped away the tears and tried to shake that feeling as I celebrated with my family. It was still there hours after they'd left. So I ate cake. It didn't fix it. He's still gone.

If I was able to talk to him again I wouldn't hit any of the big stuff. We'd go to a bar for burgers and a beer. We'd talk about my next college degree, or my job. We'd talk about the boy. I think he'd be pleased with how I've turned out. A month before my dad passed he said "it's probably better you don't know how beautiful you are." I didn't like how I looked then, and I think I look great now... so he'd probably want to put me in some sort of witness protection program. =)

The gift made the black hole that was missing my father seem even larger. I can't fix how much I miss him. I can only hope to do great things so we can talk about him the next time we meet up.

I should CoCo

I am certainly a work in progress. I have been trying to work on the way I internalize things. Historically, when I didn't agree with something there were three possible reactions:

Wanda Sykes- I would talk crap

Sam the Eagle- I would look grumpy and disapprove with flags unfurling behind me

Drac- out- That's where I take cover and don't really talk

(I couldn't find a picture of a vampire covering his face with a cape, but this dog is hilarious)

I am trying out the new reaction. This is still in development, so there is no guarantee it will work long-term. I am basically at the stage where Willy Wonka's gum turned Violet violet. But the test-kitchen is a good place to be, as progress can be made.

My new reaction is called CoCo Chanel. Here are some quotes so you can get my vibe:

• A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.
• In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different.
• Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door.
• Since everything is in our heads, we had better not lose them.
• Some people think luxury is the opposite of poverty. It is not. It is the opposite of vulgarity.
• Success is often achieved by those who don't know that failure is inevitable.
• The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.
• There is no time for cut-and-dried monotony. There is time for work. And time for love. That leaves no other time!

I am going to not waiver from who I am. However, I am going to do so in a "classy and fabulous" way. There are ways to stand firm in what I believe in without hurting other people's feelings. Don't get me wrong, Wanda is who she is and she's going to be in my head. But CoCo will be the speaker of the house.

I hope to end this era...

It occurred to me today that I gained all of that weight almost a decade ago. It was approximately 2001. This had nothing to do with 9/11 and everything to do with poor eating habits and an inactive lifestyle.

I was running on a treadmill today and I realized that this has to be finished soon. I need to be in a "maintenance" mode. I cannot let this journey span a decade. This isn't a phase, it is an era. I need to get to the end of it, where worrying about how clothes fit is a memory and not a thought in the back of my mind as I drive from place to place.

I'm over it. I need to be done with this.

Cheers to my upcoming maintenance, tentatively scheduled before 2011.

An open letter to everyone-

Please let children make mistakes. Let them know that they will not be the best at everything. There will be hard days, but those days are when good friends and family will get them through it. Do not advocate for them to get things that they have not earned just because they want them. Let them strive for what they want. Let them set goals. Let them dust off their own knees and try again. Let them understand failure so they can appreciate success. Let them understand consequences so they can learn from their choices. Let them live their lives even when their lives aren't going right. They'll learn from it and make better choices next time. They'll appreciate the better times and remember how the hard times shaped them.

Thanks.

making the best of it

This weekend I was stuck working in the cold rain. I had on gloves, hand warmers, and a scarf in May. It was so cold that I came up with a plan to wrap my feet in paper towel to "warm them." It worked. I could've complained the whole time or looked annoyed at all the parents and children who foolishly came out in that crap weather. But there's something about working there that makes bad days like that more fun. We're surrounded by people who can laugh at the situation and get through it. That's a nice atmosphere to work in.

I suppose that's what gets me to come back. I don't make very much. I could easily make more working somewhere else. There's something about the Village, though. It's beautiful in the fall. It is magical at night. There are so many crazy people who work there. You can't get through a shift without something ridiculous happening. However, those experiences are how I met some of my closest friends.

A part of the magic is my father. He took me there so many times. He thought he'd be able to be a glass blower when he retired. I'm glad he passed away with the belief that it was possible without a degree in fine arts. He and I watched historic baseball, rode the carousel, ate lunches at the Taste of History, rode the Model T, and even ate our weight in frozen custard a billion times over again. When I see children with their fathers it makes me smile. The place creates memories and traditions. I know that walking around those grounds with my father helped shape who I am and I like that I can be a part of those traditions for others.

If I were president...

I watched BSG last night. It was actually pretty entertaining, so I will probably end up watching the series. One point of interest for me was the woman who became president. She was the secretary of education in the beginning of the first episode, and eventually found herself having to run the "colonies."

I can't help but wonder what things would look like if the USA was run by someone who had a background in education. More fun to ponder- what would I do if I were the president?

I'm not going to pretend to be fully informed on the state of our union. However, it seems very troubling that our country (and state) runs on a huge debt. This debt has resulted in nearly every school district I know of having to make large cuts, stack classes, and pink slip employees. Is the government making the same cuts? I don't know.

I think that I would focus on a few things if I led the state, country, or world. I think if there was a strong emphasis on safety, health, education, and community we'd be able to give citizens the tools they'd need to succeed, which would make whatever I was president of a happy successful metropolis.

Safety: Everyone needs to feel safe. I don't know how I would do this, but I imagine it would involve some police men, lights in parks, less dark alleys, and a bat signal.

Health: I would make sure produce was affordable, and that there were strict laws on FDA unapproved crap like thermogenic pills and chemicals that weren't healthy. But I wouldn't stop people from deep-frying things or using butter. I just don't think we should be giving children chemicals and preservatives because it is convenient. They should deep fry their chicken on the spot. That's how Paula Dean's grandma did it!! And I hope the chicken is from a farm down the street....

Education: I wouldn't pay for our children's future with lotto money. I would look at the models of other countries who are getting it right and take suit. We'd teach less, but teach it WELL. And empower students. They won't all go to college. But they'll all figure out what they *might* want to do when they get older. Owning a cake shop or working on cars is pretty cool. So is engineering sweet cars. Do what you like!

Community: I would have parks, wildlife centers, museums, and a variety of restaurants that used whole ingredients. While I think fancy restaurants are wicked awesome, there'd also be some that were accessible to the masses. Libraries would be huge. We wouldn't tear down old buildings with character. There'd be bike trails, dog parks, and public transit. And we'd work with the money we had, not lower the value of the dollar and print/borrow more.

Oh, and Conan would get the Tonight Show back.

hips don't lie

I had a woman tell me that my hips would've been "ideal in the 1800's." That only happens at historical attractions, so over 90% of wide-hipped women will never hear that... ever. I imagine the woman who comforted me with the 1800's fun fact to picture me looking somewhat like this:

I understand that most of hollywood is thin. Six-pack thin. Pink has those weird muscle bone-things in her torso. There are shows on VH1 obsessed with showing "celebrity slim-downs" or celebs getting back into shape. It is like an electronic yawn. Once you see it you kind of get sucked in. I've found myself feeling bad watching those shows because the celebrities "before" pictures are generally slimmer than my current state. I assume many viewers think they look bad when they watch these shows. I think celebs hear people talk crap and they feel pressured to lose weight. Even Scarlet Johansson is thin now:

I don't think curves expired 200 years ago. They can't. Where would those southern gentlemen be without Paula Dean's cooking? I thought about what that woman said and started making a mental list of post-1800's curves that have been, and will continue to be, appreciated by men.

Exhibit A: Marilyn

Technically there doesn't need to be another example. She's the ultimate trump card.

Exhibit B: Joan

Women voted her the sexiest woman of the year. I can't argue it.

Exhibit C: Nigella Lawson

She is amazing. She cooks. She uses butter.

Exhibit D: Jessica Rabbit

She knew to land a dude with personality. "He makes me laugh" goes a long way.

Exhibit E: Hello Nurse

I'm just saying. Curvy ladies are everywhere.

I've been a victim of the weight loss fads. I've been on weight watchers, I've been vegetarian (that was a lifestyle choice, not a fad). I tried a juice detox and nearly fainted. Then I ate an ice cream sandwich and immediately felt better. True story. I took diet pills in high school. I thought starburst, diet coke, and rold gold pretzels were a good lunch combo in high school based on the fact that they were "low fat."

Where did all those choices get me? The same cycle. I tried to change. I couldn't sustain that change. I felt like I failed. My BMI has fluctuated over the past decade. I've finally been able to keep it at a consistent weight, give or take ten pounds. So I should be happy. I should be stoked! I shouldn't be saying self deprecating things while trying on clothes. Look at those ladies up there! They are smokin!

I have to stop being dissatisfied with who I am based on how I feel others (might) view me. The ladies above are wicked awesome looking. Except Scar-Jo. She looked better thick. I am not saying I'm going to walk around eating fries dipped in milkshakes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But I need to stop thinking that every meal I eat or workout I skip will make me less awesome. I look great. So do the ladies above. Drawn by a man or gifted by the gods, these women are curvy and look amazing.

Bottom line? I'd rather look like Marilyn in a bathing suit than Pink.

just stop it.

Last night I went to karaoke for my girl K-Stone's birthday. My friends do an awesome job of picking fun songs that will make us dance, laugh, and even get mom tears from stellar singing voices (the last one doesn't apply to me).

I did see something that troubled me... I don't mean to be rude. A girl who I had never seen decided to do the karaoke song that Zooey did in 500 Days of Summer. I am sure that girl just loves her as much as I loved Ginger Spice in High School. But at the same time, you're not her. No dude is going to fall for you only to drunkenly sing Train in Vain after you bail on him. So don't. It isn't a wise thing to ask a dude "don't I remind you of Zooey?" because the answer will be no. And then he'll wish he was watching Zooey sing Sugartown. Bad move, girl I've never met.

Zooey gets cuter each year. Which means at this rate she'll burn our retinas by 2012. So try and act like someone easier to compare with, like Darlene from Roseanne or Patti the Millionaire Matchmaker. That way everyone will say "OMG- you are WAY cuter than her!" People won't say that when you pretend to be Zooey. She's max cute.

(FYI: karaoke girl probably made this youtube video)

throwing darts: my oscar picks

I am letting you all know my picks for the oscars this year. Even if James Cameron deserves an Avitar nod (special effects) I am not giving him one. I don't like him. Videogum used the pic above for their oscar picks and I thought it was awesome. So they can have a nod instead. James Cameron's site probably just has a picture of him.

BEST PICTURE
- Avatar
- The Blind Side
- District 9
- An Education
- The Hurt Locker WINNER!
- Inglourious Basterds
- Precious: Based On The Novel ‘Push’ By Sapphire
- A Serious Man
- Up
- Up In The Air

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
- Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart WINNER!
- George Clooney, Up In The Air
- Colin Firth, A Single Man
- Morgan Freeman, Invictus
- Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
- Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
- Helen Mirren, The Last Station WINNER!
- Carey Mulligan, An Education
- Gabourey Sidibe, Precious: Based On The Novel ‘Push’ By Sapphire
- Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
- Matt Damon, Invictus
- Woody Harrelson, The Messenger
- Christopher Plummer, The Last Station
- Stanley Tucci, The Lovely Bones
- Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds WINNER!

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
- Penélope Cruz, Nine
- Vera Farmiga, Up In The Air WINNER!
- Maggie Gyllenhaal, Crazy Heart
- Anna Kendrick, Up In The Air
- Mo’Nique, Precoius: Based On The Novel ‘Push’ By Sapphire

DIRECTOR
- James Cameron, Avatar
- Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker WINNER!
- Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds (BUT I SUPER LOVE QT)
- Lee Daniels, Precious: Based On The Novel ‘Push’ By Sapphire
- Jason Reitman, Up In The Air

SCREENPLAY (ORIGINAL)
- The Hurt Locker, Mark Boal
- Inglourious Basterds, Quentin Tarantino WINNER!
- The Messenger, Alessandro Camon & Oren Moverman
- A Serious Man, Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
- Up, Bob Peterson, Pete Doctor

SCREENPLAY (ADAPTED)
- District 9, Neil Blomkamp & Terri Tatchell WINNER!
- An Education, Nick Hornby
- In The Loop, Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche
- Precious: Based On The Novel ‘Push’ By Sapphire, Geoffrey Fletcher
- Up In The Air, Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
- Coraline
- Fantastic Mr. Fox WINNER!
- The Princess And The Frog
- The Secret Of Kells
- Up (THIS ONE MADE ME CRY... IN ALL CAPS)

MUSIC (ORIGINAL SONG)
- “Almost There,” Randy Newman for The Princess & The Frog
- “Down IN New Orleans,” Randy Newman for The Princess & The Frog
- “Loin de Paname,” Wagner & Thomas for Paris 36
- “Take It All,” Maury Yeston for Nine
- “The Weary Kind (Theme From Crazy Heart),” Ryan Bingham for Crazy Heart WINNER!

MUSIC (ORIGINAL SCORE)
- Avatar, James Horner
- Fantastic Mr. Fox, Alexandre Desplat
- The Hurt Locker, Marco Beltrami and Buck Sanders
- Sherlock Holmes, Hans Zimmer
- Up, Michael Giacchino WINNER!

ART DIRECTION
-Avatar, Art Direction: Rick Carter and Robert Stromberg, Set Decoration: Kim Sinclair
-The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, Art Direction: Dave Warren and Anastasia Masaro, Set Decoration: Caroline Smith WINNER!
-Nine, Art Direction: John Myhre, Set Decoration: Gordon Sim
-Sherlock Holmes, Art Direction: Sarah Greenwood, Set Decoration: Katie Spencer
-The Young Victoria, Art Direction: Patrice Vermette, Set Decoration: Maggie Gray

CINEMATOGRAPHY
-Avatar, Mauro Fiore
-Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Bruno Delbonnel
-The Hurt Locker, Barry Ackroyd
-Inglourious Basterds, Robert Richardson WINNER!
-The White Ribbon, Christian Berger

COSTUME DESIGN
-Bright Star, Janet Patterson
-Coco before Chanel, Catherine Leterrier
-The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, Monique Prudhomme
-Nine, Colleen Atwood WINNER!
-The Young Victoria, Sandy Powell

DOCUMENTARY (FEATURE)
-Burma VJ, Anders Østergaard and Lise Lense-Møller
-The Cove, Nominees to be determined
-Food, Inc., Robert Kenner and Elise Pearlstein WINNER!
-The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers, Judith Ehrlich and Rick Goldsmith
-Which Way Home, Rebecca Cammisa

DOCUMENTARY (SHORT SUBJECT)
-China’s Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province, Jon Alpert and Matthew O’Neill
-The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner, Daniel Junge and Henry Ansbacher
-The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant, Steven Bognar and Julia Reichert WINNER!
-Music by Prudence, Roger Ross Williams and Elinor Burkett
-Rabbit à la Berlin, Bartek Konopka and Anna Wydra

EDITING
-Avatar, Stephen Rivkin, John Refoua and James Cameron
-District 9, Julian Clarke
-The Hurt Locker, Bob Murawski and Chris Innis WINNER!
-Inglourious Basterds, Sally Menke
-Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”, Joe Klotz

FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
-Ajami (Israel)
-El Secreto de Sus Ojos (Argentina)
-The Milk of Sorrow (Peru)
-Un Prophète (France) WINNER!
-The White Ribbon (Germany)

MAKEUP
-Il Divo, Aldo Signoretti and Vittorio Sodano
-Star Trek, Barney Burman, Mindy Hall and Joel Harlow WINNER!
-The Young Victoria, Jon Henry Gordon and Jenny Shircore

ANIMATED (SHORT)
-French Roast, Fabrice O. Joubert
-Granny O’Grimm’s Sleeping Beauty, Nicky Phelan and Darragh O’Connell
-The Lady and the Reaper (La Dama y la Muerte), Javier Recio Gracia
-Logorama, Nicolas Schmerkin
-A Matter of Loaf and Death, Nick Park WINNER!

LIVE ACTION SHORT
-The Door, Juanita Wilson and James Flynn WINNER!
-Instead of Abracadabra, Patrik Eklund and Mathias Fjellström
-Kavi, Gregg Helvey
-Miracle Fish, Luke Doolan and Drew Bailey
-The New Tenants, Joachim Back and Tivi Magnusson

SOUND EDITING
-Avatar, Christopher Boyes and Gwendolyn Yates Whittle
-The Hurt Locker, Paul N.J. Ottosson
-Inglourious Basterds, Wylie Stateman
-Star Trek, Mark Stoeckinger and Alan Rankin WINNER!
-Up, Michael Silvers and Tom Myers

SOUND MIXING
-Avatar, Christopher Boyes, Gary Summers, Andy Nelson and Tony Johnson
-The Hurt Locker, Paul N.J. Ottosson and Ray Beckett
-Inglourious Basterds, Michael Minkler, Tony Lamberti and Mark Ulano
-Star Trek, Anna Behlmer, Andy Nelson and Peter J. Devlin WINNER!
-Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Greg P. Russell, Gary Summers and Geoffrey Patterson

VISUAL EFFECTS
-Avatar, Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham and Andrew R. Jones
-District 9, Dan Kaufman, Peter Muyzers, Robert Habros and Matt Aitken
-Star Trek, Roger Guyett, Russell Earl, Paul Kavanagh and Burt Dalton WINNER!

My Fave movies of the 00s

I realize I am late on this, but it has been saved as a draft forevs and I had a snow day. I have made a special "fun to watch" category because I'm a fun gal.

Enjoy:

Top 10 faves:

1. Big Fish
2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
3. The Royal Tennenbaums
4. About a Boy
5. Catch me if you Can
6. Adaptation
7. Wonder Boys
8. There will be Blood
9. Almost Famous
10. Shattered Glass

Next 10:

1. Vanilla Sky
2. Mystic River
3. American Psycho
4. Pan's Labrynth
5. Collateral
6. Quills
7. Gosford Park
8. No Country for Old Men
9. AI
10. Punch Drunk Love***

*** was Minority Report when first published. Changed my mind. Good thing like 2 people read this thing.***

Most fun to Watch list (they needed a special category, but would've been above otherwise. My blog- my lists. Deal.)

1. Kill Bill vols I/II
2. Grindhouse
3. Best in Show
4. Shaun of the Dead
5. Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Top 4 Documentaries:

1. Young at Heart
2. Rollerball
3. The Fog of War
4. Man on Wire

Movies I didn't like that made the lists of critics and friends:

• The squid and the Whale
• Synecdoche, New York
• Brokeback Mountain
• Juno
• Capturing the Friedmans
• Inland Empire
• 25th hour
• The Wrestler

Movie everyone saw but me and loved it: City of God

If you don't like mine, here is one from the AV club's comments section. I think it is aptly titled:

my list (the real deal) :
1. lotr
2. goldmember
3. gladiator
4. ratatouille
5. apocalypto
5. shrek 2
6. talledega nights
7 avatar
8. monsters inc
9. kill bill
10. meet the parents

I'm sure Zeus would've been great at skiing with guns...

I don't like watching the Winter Olympics. This is the only story about the Winter games that stuck with me:

That film was "Rocky on Ice."

The Winter Olympics' "Running Man" course ended up killing someone on Friday. Not the best press. I didn't watch the opening ceremony. I didn't want to watch any of the games, to be honest.

Unfortunately, the Olympics are on a ton. Eventually, we clicked on the games. I knew about the bobsled teams (see above). I also knew about figure and speed skating. There were two "games" I did not know about. These games are not "Rocky on Ice."

"G.I Joe on Snow" AKA "Biathlon":

Apparently this sport involves skiing, stopping, shooting a rifle at a target, then skiing. It doesn't seem like a real event that would get someone on a Wheaties box. It seems more like an event on The Biggest Loser or Celebrity Fit Club (if Ted Nugent hosted). The Olympic site defends the "sport" by claiming it was a nod to times before Christ when European men on skis had to hunt for food. I wonder if the wooly mammoths waited on the course or if the dudes went all willy nilly out there...

"Wounded Knee Massacre on Snow" AKA "Freestyle Skiing":

These guys and gals do cool tricks. I'm not going to dispute that. They seems more X-Games appropriate, as opposed to Olympian appropriate. That said, I kind of understand the cool tricks off of ramps part. The part I don't understand is the knee smashing part, seen below:

While briefly watching a woman fail at this hill part, we learned that she had SIX ACL SURGERIES- 3 on each knee. Really? REALLY?!? Seems worth it. The official website explains that it has been considered an Olympic Sport for about 3 nanoseconds, or since the 90's.

I blame France. It seems most of this went down in Albertville, France in the 90's. Thanks, France.

band name

If I formed a band I'd name us "32nd annual chili cook off." That way confused people would walk in with crock pots of chili when I played a show. They could get blue ribbons. My fans could smirk when the chili arrived. Then they would judge the confused people's chili. Then I would jam out.

Everyone wins!!

Let's fish!

There are two "fish theories" that come to mind with all of the stress in my life. Before this blog entry continues, I do realize that many people have lives that are extraordinarily worse in the stress department. I have had struggles. We all have. However, I have to give myself credit for learning coping strategies that are (somewhat) effective. Sometimes.

I have been practicing fish theory number two. It has resulted in more sleep, less stress, less running around, and less guilt. I like it.

The first fish theory: "done with fish."

This is based off of the orchid collector from the movie Adaptation.* John Laroche used to collect fish. In the film he says:

"Look, I'll tell you a story, all right? I once feel deeply, you know, profoundly in love with tropical fish. Had 60 god$#@% fish tanks in my house. I skin dived to find just the right ones. Anisotremus virginicus, Holdacanthus ciliaris, Chaetodon capistratus. You name it. Then one day I say, "%&*k fish". I renounce fish. I vow never to set foot in that ocean again. That's how much "%&$k fish."

When asked why he responds "done with fish." This way of thinking means you just move on entirely. You don't look back. You're done. I don't recommend this response to stress. I don't recommend this response for much, other than toxic people who make you habitually unhappy. And sharks. I'm done with sharks and I've never even met one.

The second fish theory: "cubism."

Cubism occurs when we can let go of all the unnecessary stresses from work, home, friends and family. This is the omission of obligations, unwarranted guilt, and insecurities. You don't hesitate to tell the truth. You live life the way you want to. Pretty perf, eh?

To those who love to follow tips written by people on blogger: observing cubism doesn't mean you get excessive and forget to pay bills, take showers, or follow traffic laws. It just means you concentrate on the important things that make you happy. You omit unnecessary stress. You smile.

*I did not come up with "done with fish.

maybe I'll give myself merit badges for these....

I have been feeling unsettled lately. I think this is because I am in a state where a lot of my future isn't (exactly) in my hands. It isn't very fun, to be honest. That said, I am able to control some other things. So let's concentrate on those before I permanently turn into a crab cake:

Working out: Looking at some older photos, it is clear that I am ultimately successful (see below).

That said, I have lost my desire to work out. I have had 3 dreams involving yoga in the past week. I think that is a sign. I say the phrase "I need to get back to my practice" as often as women say "I need to join a gym." So do it already, ber!

Cooking: I keep buying food from restaurants. I had a small stint where I was making my own salad dressings and everything. I need to get back to that. I am also going to spend less at restaurants so I can spend that $ to take a cooking class every once in a while.

Yoga: Let's give this a category. Let's make this happen.

Travel: I need to step this up. Even weekend trips.

I think I used to travel more. I used to make purchases like my kitchen-aid mixer without a second thought. I even took a pottery class at Pewabic pottery. I want to enjoy the categories above, but make sure that these are peppered in over time. I think moderation is a word that is over-used. But, as Joel McHale said on Community, sometimes truths are heard so much because things are just that simple. (I am paraphrasing, but you get the idea)

Champ has skills, but they all suck.

Since saving Champ from doom in the fall of 2008, he has become quite acclaimated to the AK lounge. He has learned a bunch of cool things to do, none of which benefit me.

He can play "the sixth sense." this is when you walk into the kitchen and all of the cupboards are open. Observe:

He can also open all of my hall closets. He sticks his paw under the door and pulls it toward him. Champ can tell where the weakest point is and open it almost effortlessly.

He can steal money out of my purse. Champ loves money. It is crinkly. He also has a father figure who loves money. I think that Champ wants to be like him a little bit. The main difference I can't seem to articulate to Champ is that my man earns his own money. Champ doesn't even do chores and he feels entitled to mine. He sticks his paws in my purse to look for dollars that are sticking out of my purse. Then he puts them in his mouth and runs down the hall to hide them. Ridiculous.

Champ hasn't figured out how to iron, do dishes, or swiffer. I feel like this "skill set" he's picking up makes things both amusing and annoying. Here are a few more "skills" he's picked up:

Lamp climbing:

Drawer filling:

Table smashing:

Award show recap

James Cameron is the worst. I will never see Ferngully 4.0 3D. The whole "I have to pee" speech made him reach a new level of ungrateful (who knew he could top "I'm the king of the world?"). He also looks like a bad guy from a syfi movie. Or a whig. He looked like a combo of the following people:

Drake Malfoy

Guy from Project Runway

Also, I am pretty sure he was speaking in a dialect he made up for the film. If that is the case, he's even more rediculous.

P.S- Brendan Frasier gave the Hangover's win a standing O. Really?

Funeral homes aren't fun.

Even Veda Sultenfuss couldn't make me like them.

The problem with funeral homes is that I selfishly end up thinking of me. I think of my dad. I now think of Grandma Dolly. But mostly I think of my dad. The hurt, loss, and confusion of dad's death make me empathize with the living I go to console.

Flowers are nice, but they don't matter. The people who care about you and send kind words, hugs, or laughs are the real medicine. I have such an amazing network of friends and family. They have made the loss of my father, and recent loss of my Grandma, much easier.

Even so- my dad and grandma are gone, as is every person who ends up lying in a box in the front of a room of strangers, family, and friends. While my dad and grandma have lived on in stories, these stories are told with a different voice and a different point of view. I would love to listen to my grandma talk about the crazy people she lived near. Better yet, I'd like to listen to her brag about the deals she landed at Penny's. I'd like to her my dad's advice. I'd like to hear his voice. I've done so many things I'm proud of since he passed. People's assuring phrase "your father would be proud" doesn't quite cut it.

But they're right. He would be. Or is, depending on your views of what happen when people die. My dad was mad when I called off work to go to the hospital. He made me go take a midterm when he received his stem cell transplant. He wouldn't want me to get sad when people eat eggs sunny side up or when I blow out my birthday candles.

It is reasons like this rant that make going to funeral homes a no-brainer People need friends and family to lean on, tell jokes, and say their loved ones would be proud of them. It doesn't make things right. It does, however, make them easier.

I can't pronounce Synecdoche, nor can I stomach it.

I haven't written a blog entry since MJ died. I wasn't compelled to say much, I suppose. That changed last weekend:

I woke up filled with disappointment last Friday. There was a good chance of a “snow day,” which I was really stoked about. Sadly, I was awoken by the sound of my alarm, as opposed to a “no school” phone call. Thanks, salt truck guys. My bad mood became increasingly more intense when I read my email. My friend Ryan sent me a link to Roger Ebert’s favorite films of the decade. Ebert picked a film I didn’t like at all to top the list: Synecdoche, New York.

I immediately began writing this blog in my head. I’ve disagreed with his reviews on several films recently. I suppose we all have. Even so, some reviews seemed completely off to me. Two that immediately came to mind were 2012 (3 1/2 stars) and The Hangover (3 1/2 stars). I started to research more odd reviews for my blog when I saw his most recent journal entry, Nil by Mouth. In it, he discussed how his succession of surgeries have left him unable to speak, eat or drink. When a reader asked if he missed eating or drinking, he claimed that he didn’t really miss it anymore. He went on to talk about how certain places and foods evoked memories from his past. It was a really touching entry. The moment that changed the intent of my blog entry was in response to a possible fourth surgery. Ebert claimed “A fourth surgery has been proposed, but I flatly reject the idea. To paraphrase a line from "Adaptation's" orchid collector: "Done with surgery.” That was when the fog cleared. Like all my friends, Roger has different opinions on films. He likes some movies that I don’t like at all. But other films, like Adaptation, resonate with us both. That said, I have written a more respectful retort to Ebert’s favorite film of the decade:

The combination of Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Charlie Kaufman, and Catherine Keener should have knocked it out of the park. I felt completely foolish when I discovered this dream team had made Synecdoche, New York together, and it was already on video. This film seemed completely in my wheelhouse. When my first viewing was over, I couldn’t really believe it. I found Phil to be annoying. I wanted to punch him in the face within the first twenty minutes. To be honest, I didn’t really like any of the characters. And as much as I love Dianne Weist, my response to her role quickly became an audible “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” I was completely exhausted by how long it took the story to unfold. I didn’t feel satisfied by the end (see Diane Weist reaction above). Unlike Kaufman’s other stories, this one wasn’t fun to watch or touching in any way.

Ebert claimed “those who felt the film was disorganized or incoherent might benefit from seeing it again.” I tried Roger, I swear. I watched it three times in two days!!! I didn’t WANT to not like it. I was almost forcing myself to find something likable about the film. I even forced my friend Ryan to watch it on viewing # 3 to see if he saw something in the film I didn’t. No dice. In Ebert’s journal entry titled “O Synecdoche, my Synecdoche!” he offered a suggestion to answer the question “why is the house on fire?” I’d rather he answered my simple question: “why can’t I see what you do?” As much research as I did, Ebert can’t seem to answer that.

Synecdoche doesn’t have any moments that make it a “best” film. There’s no choir of senior citizens singing to a prison after they just lost a friend like the scene in Young at Heart. There’s no final conversation between a father and son like in Big Fish. Phil’s character has nothing on the tight rope walker from the film Man on Wire. This film lacked a key scene or moment that makes films stick with me. But it stuck with Ebert.

I have friends who like the Hangover. I have friends who don’t like Adaptation. I have friends who, for whatever reason, only watched Ghostbusters when I forced them to. It is clear that the world is made up of zillions of people with varied taste. I appreciate this, as it gets me my Simon Pegg films from Netflix even faster. I don’t think Ebert should dislike Synecdoche, New York. I just think there are countless films that should’ve surpassed it for the top spot.

Verdict: agree to disagree