I'm sure Zeus would've been great at skiing with guns...

I don't like watching the Winter Olympics. This is the only story about the Winter games that stuck with me:

That film was "Rocky on Ice."

The Winter Olympics' "Running Man" course ended up killing someone on Friday. Not the best press. I didn't watch the opening ceremony. I didn't want to watch any of the games, to be honest.

Unfortunately, the Olympics are on a ton. Eventually, we clicked on the games. I knew about the bobsled teams (see above). I also knew about figure and speed skating. There were two "games" I did not know about. These games are not "Rocky on Ice."

"G.I Joe on Snow" AKA "Biathlon":

Apparently this sport involves skiing, stopping, shooting a rifle at a target, then skiing. It doesn't seem like a real event that would get someone on a Wheaties box. It seems more like an event on The Biggest Loser or Celebrity Fit Club (if Ted Nugent hosted). The Olympic site defends the "sport" by claiming it was a nod to times before Christ when European men on skis had to hunt for food. I wonder if the wooly mammoths waited on the course or if the dudes went all willy nilly out there...

"Wounded Knee Massacre on Snow" AKA "Freestyle Skiing":

These guys and gals do cool tricks. I'm not going to dispute that. They seems more X-Games appropriate, as opposed to Olympian appropriate. That said, I kind of understand the cool tricks off of ramps part. The part I don't understand is the knee smashing part, seen below:

While briefly watching a woman fail at this hill part, we learned that she had SIX ACL SURGERIES- 3 on each knee. Really? REALLY?!? Seems worth it. The official website explains that it has been considered an Olympic Sport for about 3 nanoseconds, or since the 90's.

I blame France. It seems most of this went down in Albertville, France in the 90's. Thanks, France.