I was a failure today.
I suppose I was due. I've passed all of the standardized tests I needed to become a teacher. I rocked out my undergrad and graduate GPAs. That said, I have generally stuck to things in my wheelhouse. I have made some amazing crafts in my lifetime. I can make people laugh. I can teach.
That said, I avoid things I am not good at. I don't ever say the words "let's go play putt-putt." I took EXACTLY the amount of math and science classes required in high school. I wasn't good at them and I didn't want to do anything science or math related if I didn't have to. In fact, half of my last semester as a senior in high school was spent in spanish, as a teacher aid for band class, and leaving to help a 2nd grade classroom as a work study. I did what I wanted. And what I wanted to do was teach and do creative things, not use the FOIL method, a graphing calculator or go to a chemistry class.
Lately I am filled with a desire to teach people what I've learned during my weight loss journey. It wasn't a quick fix.... not even a year-long process. Jillian Michaels didn't yell me into shape. I didn't have a Jenny Craig consultant. I didn't get surgery. But I did count calories, work out, learn how to use weight training to help reduce my fat % and gain confidence. I have my Joan Holloway figure kicking and put clothes on without even consulting a mirror. I know I look sweet. In fact, the only complaint I've recently had is that some of my newer clothes already don't fit well and are becoming too baggy.
I can tell people how I did this. But I wanted to get certified so I could learn more information to help myself and others. So back in late October I ordered the NASM personal training test package. It came with DVDs, MP3s, a large textbook and a study guide. I could also access an online practice test.
But then reality set in. I had work commitments and the holidays appeared out of nowhere. My study time became less frequent. It wasn't until the end of January that I recommitted fully to study as I initially intended. I think a large part of this hesitation was the fear I had over the anatomy and science behind it all. I was completely overwhelmed by the vocabulary and lost my drive. I think I initially gave up when I got to chapters 4 and 5.
The past two months were spent studying. I would do a bit during the week. I would knock out a few chapters on the weekends. I think that this held me back quite a bit. Instead of studying an hour or so a day, I would do 5 hour marathon sessions twice a week. I basically did what I would NEVER tell my students to do. It clearly didn't pay off.
When I was looking over the materials I was confident about the vocabulary. But I knew that even if I passed today I wasn't ready to be a PT because I was having trouble with the assessments and the application of the knowledge. I think it is better that this happened the way it did. After all, what if I passed and trained people before I was truly ready to help? The reason I started this journey was to help people. I can't go into this without the feeling that I truly possess the knowledge that will allow people to make the changes needed to meet their goals.
I arrived at the testing center and my stomach sounded like a dinosaur. I went to check in. The test began and my heart started to beat fast. The first 2 questions were topics I didn't prepare for. Luckily, after that things seemed to get better. My heart rate settled down. I was feeling good. I knew I wasn't going to get a 90%, but I felt like I would pass. The test ended and I left the computer. The test printed and the woman didn't speak. That's when I knew I failed (at Weight Watchers the people always cheered when you did well, and silently slid you a paper when you didn't do so well).
I missed it my one question. ONE. I was devastated. I left the building not wanting to call anyone and just pretend it didn't happen. But I owned up to the truth. I failed. I know what I did right and what I did wrong. I am going to study the material daily and in smaller amounts. I am going to re-test because this is a set back, not an absolute.
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