is there a treatment for "the hangover?"

spoiler alert: the movie wasn't good. 

i am going to explain why this movie blows. i won't give away any important plot points.... basically because i can't think of any to tell you. 

problem one: being overweight is not instantly humorous. being overweight and not wearing pants is also not instantly humorous. to be fair, it is more like an easy joke for people who generally don't get my jokes. while there were points where zach was funny, these had everything to do with delivery and nothing to do with his BMI. just saying. 

problem two: bradley cooper is unlikable. he isn't entertaining. in fact, he's so boring he reminds me of no one. i cannot make a comparison because i have no idea who this guy is or why he is allowed to be in movies. when vince vaughn was a bad friend in "swingers," and horrible friend in "made," i enjoyed watching it. i was legitimately mad at vince vaughn during "made." but he got something right that bradley cooper couldn't. 

problem three: aside from rollergirl, every female was legitimately unlikable. apparently we were the oppressor and the enemy. 

problem four: there was no dialogue worth mentioning. zach had some high notes including his "wolf pack" speech. but there were no great moments between characters. i think this is why i didn't care about them- at all.

problem five: none of this was even slightly believable. i'm not talking about the premise. it might've been good with a different cast, script, and soundtrack (which was stolen from pontiac's have a nice day cafe). there were racial stereotypes that were more uncomfortable than funny. the cops were no reno 911. bradley boring driving a cop car on sidewalk is not daring. it is lame. 

problem six: someone must've realized problems 1-5 because they spliced cameos from carrot top, mike tyson, and the band from old school into the final product. the band was about 12 shark jumps in. 

basically, zach didn't save it. either did the photo montage at the end. the worst part was leaving the theatre when everyone else was bumping fists and talking about how amazing it was. no, the worst part is IMDB telling me there'll be a sequel. (i had to look up bradley cooper's name because it is as forgettable as he is)